MANAGER - Ron Meister, Age 59, Matches in Charge 311

This man is a meister in many ways. He picked up control of the team in 1987 after Gerrard Ayboy moved onto greater things and has not looked back since. He has become synonymous with Equatorial Wales FC and has built football into a national institution on Bioko, beyond that which anyone could have imagined, and has turned the team into the major symbol and voice of the Equatorial Welsh nation. Football-wise, he is a clever team tactician and a great coach of players, you only need to look at the team's success to realise how lucky Equatorial Wales were to have found this man.

1. Frank Ucknutt - Goalkeeper, Age 31, Caps 289, Goals 2

This experienced head at the back has been virtually ever-present in the side for over 10 years and, although prone to calamitous errors, he is a very popular figure.

2. Didier Wart - Defender, Age 32, Caps 274, Goals 141

A big Equatorial Welsh favourite, Didier has really matured with age. His stunning goals from left back have left them rotulating in the aisles at the Bioko Stadium on many occasions.

3. Chris Wart - Defender, Age 28, Caps 198, Goals 39

Didier's younger brother has never really escaped from his elder's shadow, but this hides his true defensive qualities. Less gung-ho than Didier, he still scores impressive goals (as you would expect from any wart), but is the rock on which any good performance is built.

4. Christian Warbler - Midfielder, Age 23, Caps 64, Goals 19

The hard-working unsung hero of the side who is rarely spectacular but always ensures a tight midfield. His tackling is renowned throughout the league and he would undoubtedly be one of the first names on Ron Meister's team sheet, so essential is he to the side. When he missed 7 games through injury midway through last season, his absence was costly and the team stumbled to only one victory in that spell.

5. Sebastian Colin-Ralph Otule (Captain) - Midfielder, Age 33, Caps 412, Goals 89

This veteran who was recently rumoured to be 45 has been with the team since time began, or so it would seem. He can claim a record 412 caps since his debut in the first ever Equatorial Welsh side in 1984 as a sprightly 16 year old. He now commands incredible respect from players and fans alike and is playing as well as ever. There's plenty more in this boy yet.

6. Chuck Nutt - Defender, Age 26, Caps 47, Goals 21

A solid little defender who has finally found his true position after swapping around the midfield for a long time. Last season was his best and he has strangely scored more goals from defence than attack. It's a funny old game.

7. Barry Inman - Midfielder, Age 21, Caps 21, Goals 18

This lad is a huge talent. When he was signed from Kent two years ago, many eyebrows were raised and his performances at first did not inspire the crowd. However, he is making the left-side of midfield slot his own at the moment and is scoring as many as the strikers at the moment, many of them spectacular efforts. Patience has been proven vital in extracting Barry's best talents and he still has plenty of potential for improvement at only 21.

8. Biggs Crow Tum - Left Winger, Age 24, Caps 28, Goals 13

Improved player of the past two years? Has gone from comedy substitute to regular scorer and provider on the left-wing, using his peculiar talents to great effect, and has begun to shake off the unfortunate nicknames of the early years.

9. Imtiyaz Hitler - Striker, Age 25, Caps 131, Goals 152

Imtiyaz leads the attacking line with immense power and is already the team's top scorer with an average of over one per game. Nobody would question her position in the team and her form is essential to the team's success, but Andy Cole criticisms abounded last year as she doesn't have quite the clinical touch of someone like Robulo. Needs to prove herself this season, to the fans at least.

10. Simon Chelik - Right Winger, Age 19, Caps 73, Goals 45

73 caps by the age of 19; this boy is a real talent and a major reason for future expectations for the team. This man will lead Equatorial Wales to great things. He is also involved with the step-daughter of Sebastian Otule, which can only strengthen his connections with this great team.

11. Ralph Uptureboy - Striker, Age 20, Caps 5, Goals 1

A recent signing from East Timor, Uptureboy looks the part. He will be a star if he can avoid the injuries which have plagued his short career so far. His susceptibility to gaping leg wounds will worry his coach, as will his short fuse (he was sent off three times last season), but his incredible talent is undeniable and he will score goals.

12. Rozhita Stalin - Defender, Age 21, Caps 2, Goals 0

The other of Meister's recent signings is less high profile, but equally talented. Bashkortostan's hottest talent was snapped up last month and is an obvious attempt to provide defensive cover for the ageing Warts. She may have to be patient at first, but Meister clearly rates her highly indeed.

13. Barry Cheek - Midfielder, Age 28, Caps 14, Goals 0

Who? He is the sub and, despite being around for three years, has only picked up 14 caps. He is a hardworking player, but the current strength of the team's midfield leaves little space for him. Transfer-possibilities this season?

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